i love cigarettes
I am fully aware they are bad for you. Yes. I know. I've heard it all. But something about smoking a cigarette in the car after a hard day at my part-time job is really healing. Or a cigarette during the rave with your friends, stepping outside for a moment for a smoke. Making eyes at the one guy you wanna fuck while smoke blows past your face.
Izzy advised me to not smoke. I did not listen, of course. When people tell me not to do something, it makes me want to do it more. Forbidden fruit effect or something. Sometimes I smoke in my car before work and I think about that one guy I went on a date with. His name was Brendon. I chastised him - lightly, of course, almost sisterly - for smoking cigarettes. Brendon, I'm sorry. I get it now. I do. Also if you're reading this, stop ghosting me. It pisses me off.
I haven't smoked in a few days - mostly because I haven't had the time or opportunity to - but also because I'm trying to not make this into a terrible habit of mine. Smoking socially is okay, I think. Also, the anti-smoking sentiment from people pisses me off. Like, yes, we know it's bad - but from dust we come and to dust we shall return! Isn't that comforting? Knowing that we're not permanent, we're only here for a short amount of time - might as well enjoy it.
Maybe I'm a hedonist.
I've been listening to a lot of music lately - but I particularly like FKA Twigs' song Ache. I'm on a pop kick recently. Twigs' plunging drums, PinkPantheresses slippery and sweet melodies, Addison Rae's trip-hop inspired pop music. Pop music isn't taken as seriously as I'd like it to be.